Diary of a Wimpy City

Dear readers, I have a very special guest poster today. Please allow me to introduce the “Entire DC Region.”

Entire DC region, we look forward to your post on History and Wine–take it away!

Hello readers of the History and Wine blog. I do believe that you are the finest people around, which is why I wanted to take a moment to stop by and talk to you about a very tough time in my existence, and maybe inspire some hope and strength in you. I would like to tell you about the day that I survived a touted massive snowstorm affectionately called, Snowquester. Here is my story, brutal and honest.

Who could ever forget March, 5, 2013? I remember it like it was yesterday. I was simply sitting at my cubicle in the office where I work. That office may be a big firm on K Street, or a small boutique in Penn Quarter; out in McLean, Virginia at some defense contractor; on the Hill;  a trendy cube in Dupont Circle; etc… I was finishing a report on the ACA, or Sequestration, or my taxes, or my order on Amazon, when a colleague came running around the corner screaming,

“We’re getting snow tomorrow! Holy crap, everyone, go buy some milk and bread and hug your children!”

Immediately, I could feel the stirrings of a deprived heart, waking up from a slumber in this winter weather desert. Could it be true? Snow in March? After all this snow drought? I quickly opened a new tab on Firefox, because the company IT security measures had blocked Chrome weeks ago, to check the Washington Post, even though I never find reliable weather information on that site. Sure enough, there it was: Snow expected in DC the next day, and lots of it. Praise the snow gods. Winter had finally arrived in the Mid-Atlantic.

My excitement was fleeting when I realized that I needed to put gas in my car that typically sits unused in my parking lot, because I always take the metro. Did I have a half tank or a quarter? I couldn’t remember what it registered when I parked it after my weekly Target run last Saturday.

Our boss came through the office and let us know that if the Federal Government was closed the following day, we would be too. And because we all know that the Federal Government actually enjoys closing down, my colleagues and I all gave each other invisible high-fives with our minds. We would have actually given high-fives and broken out into song if our office environment was like a musical. Sometimes my colleagues do break out in song. I digress…

Anyway, I had a feeling that  I must get home immediately so that I could run to the store and stock up on bottled water; peanut butter; enriched sliced white bread; pink lemonade; and plenty of wine. You can’t have a snow day without wine.

I finished my Amazon order quickly so that I could get out the door  to happy hour at 4:30 before all the high-tops would be taken by other snow celebrators.

After meeting up with some friends and getting very drunk, under the assumption that we would all have a middle-of-the-week break the following day, I stumbled home to check my pantry contents. Not that I was really going to make it to the store at that point in the night. No, I was just drunk and hungry.

I passed out shortly after raiding what little food supplies I had, and dreamed about running out of gas.

The next morning, I awoke with a jolt. I remembered that today was the day! But first, I must find my headache pills and a bottle of water. Praying that the Federal Government was closed so that I could nurse my hangover, I wandered into the living room to look outside the big window. That’s when I saw it. Gasp! Tiny flakes falling from the sky. Snowquester! 

I knew that the rest of the day was unpredictable at this point. I turned on the TV for comfort and information, and the Today Show was broadcasting a live view of the White House and the Capitol building, both blurred with white precipitation, falling in sheets from the sky. DC, this is your time to shine, I thought. Here we go.

I made some eggs and coffee, and I continued to watch the morning news. What’s-her-face who replaced Ann Curry was smelling a sloth. How can you smell a sloth at a time such as this? We are under attack by the wrath of winter! Local news coverage breaks in–it’s still snowing out west of DC in some Virginia town I’ve never heard of. Who lives that far out? Not me. I need more coffee. This is going to be one for the record books.

The snow continued to fall outside my window, but none of it seemed to stick to the ground. That will come later, I was sure of it. I took a nap.

When I woke from my midday slumber, I was certain that I would find mayhem outside. Surely after hours (I slept for a while), the snow would be covering the ground, making roads impassable, and there would be widespread power outages. But alas, there was nothing but small crystal water droplets hanging off of the branches outside my window. Not a white flake in sight. Had it passed? Had we survived? Was it all a dream?

You can follow me on Instagram @tHistoryandWine
You can follow me on Instagram @HistoryandWine

There I was, standing in my living room, holding a glass of pink lemonade and watching people walk their dogs outside on damp sidewalks. The threat had lifted, and DC would live on- until the next big event that scares the crap out of everyone who lives here for no reason whatsoever.

That day was March 6, 2013. The day of the Snowquester that wasn’t.

Thank you, Entire DC Region, for sharing your thoughts today. We’re so very glad that you made it through that tough day. Best of luck to you when something actually happens.

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